Archive for the ‘Writing’ Category
Winston and John the Savage Get Religous
17th April 2008 | 5:07
Winston and John the Savage were pseudonyms used in a series of features featuring myself (Winston, text bolded) and a friend (John) where we did things that could potentially get us in trouble if identified. Only two were written before I became Design Editor, though ideas for future installments included Get Homeless and Get Rich. In this, the second of our articles, we lived each day as a different religion for a week.
Beep. Beep. Beep. 7 o’clock and I definitely don’t want to wake from my ignorance. “Oh my god,” I think, for the last blasphemous time this week, “What is it with religion and dawn?” Stumbling out of bed to light the incense, I burn my hand and know that I truly am suffering. Lotus, unfeasibly adopted, I imagine myself atop a mountainous precipice, my inner Buddhist sat cross-legged and Zen, my external Self, the blizzard blowing all around. Combining the two sides of my personality is impossible; the gale won’t be contained. I txt Wnstn, ‘Noble Truth Lvl 3. My suffering has ceased.’ As I sit cross-legged, meditating with Winston at lunch, I contemplate that thinking about nothing requires a lot of concentration. I find sitting on the floor of the chaplain’s office to be surprisingly comfortable, Winston less so.
What a glorious day to wake as a Buddhist! Self-improvement no longer a distant concept, inner peace begins now! The last two years a chemical assault, and now sex is something you do with yourself. Vrrhhmm, 1 New Msg. ‘Fuck how did you get the EXP? I’m haemorrhaging lvls today, Buddha would not be proud,’ I reply, prompting a reminder about swearing. Lunch, a heavenly bacon and sausage baguette sits in front of me, uneaten. “No meat,” John says. I hand it to Fran, the vegetarian, and sip on my pint of lemonade, hardly the beer I was longing for. I’d have felt embarrassed with it and jealous without, but Buddhism didn’t subscribe to such petty emotions. Perhaps meditation was the answer? Awkwardly becoming a lotus, breathing in time, humming and chanting; “Why are we here and where are we going? Why are we here and where are we going?” Not getting anything, I turned to distract John off his mountain Zen. Too late. “I was praying for a fart,” he grins. Buddha would be proud.
Review: Apple Macbook 2.1GHz
16th April 2008 | 8:46
This review was written for a job application to Custom PC magazine.
Playing games on Apple’s newest Macbook is like taking a lap dance from the Queen. It’ll satisfy a curiosity but undoubtedly leave you emotionally desolate and financially drained. Apple has a biannual tradition of announcing they’re getting serious about gaming, usually involving the illustrious John Carmack as if his mere stage presence was proof enough that they were bringing it all home. True to form, Doom 3 was severely delayed for OS X and the Mac continued to suffer a dearth of variety.
